I bought a video camera today, finally. I love it. MiniDV, with wide angle lens, extra batt, tripod, the works. It's got usb streaming, i dont even need a firewire card to digitize! Muahaha, been watching the 8ball gig footage over and over... will get it on vcd asao.

Looks like my horns are stirring up a horn-rendous response! I scared Angela Chee will say:"Got time to make your hair, not ime to think of what to do for fyp izzit???"

Untimely death has led me astray
couldn't get back to sleep after having a nightmare. ironic it is that earlier on we performed our new song 'Nightmare'.

it's 6.15am now. slept at 5, woke at 5.30, slept again, cant get back to sleep now.

The nightmare is the worst i've had in a long long time. usually it's some vague situation where i feel really afraid, like the surroundings become scary or something. I dreamt of Tara, that she was unfaithful without repent. Thing is, she was just over here, aftere my gig we came over to house and we cuddled for so long, i was filling up the hole i had for missing her on her trip to Bintan.

Maybe coz i'm tired. And stressed abt FYP. Sad abt TTE. my neck hurts, i must've been sleeping in a bad position. Maybe all of that, somehow this nightmare is still leaving me fearful and quakey in my upper chest. I do not doubt her love in real life at all, but in the dream, she did it knowingly and still said she didn't doubt her love too. I didn't know what to do, i didn't blow up or break down or anything, i was just stunned. Sigh.

First thing when she wakes up i'm gonna tell her everything, just to reaffirm that she loves me... even though it didn't help in the nightmare. Still, i'm not gonna let this make me a paranoid. I love her too much.

28th Dec, Through The Ears, 3pm
Just saw the progamme line up for sat's TTE. Eightball will be first, at 3pm. I thought, at first, have we plunged to such depths that we allow ourselves to be fucked by remy? fucker takes our $30 for auditions, gets us to sell tix at $10 each and we play 3pm in the afternoon. fucker doesn't give a damn about us anyway, i feel ashamed to perform at his gig. ashamed of myself.

But i'm not ashamed to be onstage with Kristal and Nelson. This'll probably be the last time we'd be performing together. It's unlikely we'd find a chance to perform in the last 8 months Nelson has remaining in Singapore. This will be our final parting to gigging. I'm sad that we might not find another chance to show our closest friends and loved ones every song we have written, and this gig definately doesn't do that. Eightball has been the best band i've been with, with the closest friends within. the thought of farewell saddens me. sigh. The memories of Lionel and Nick, the company of Kristal and Nelson. I don't dislike David, but i surely do not like him. Jason hasn't been through what Eightball had been through together, I may never know him as deep as the rest, nor love him as much.

The thought of farewell saddens me. This'll be our last gig. I'm proud to spend it with such good and worthy bandmates. We must record our album soon. We must, lest we forget what we've been through and learnt together.

Kristal are you reading this? I'm deeply affected suddenly, but it was always there, it just chose to come just... now.


we'll run away together
we'll spend some time forever
we'll never feel bad anymore
~Weezer, Island in the Sun

ca·thar·sis ( P ) Pronunciation Key (k-thärss)
n. pl. ca·thar·ses (-sz)
Medicine. Purgation, especially for the digestive system.
A purifying or figurative cleansing of the emotions, especially pity and fear, described by Aristotle as an effect of tragic drama on its audience.
A release of emotional tension, as after an overwhelming experience, that restores or refreshes the spirit.
Psychology.
A technique used to relieve tension and anxiety by bringing repressed feelings and fears to consciousness.
The therapeutic result of this process; abreaction.

Saw "Catharsis" used in my friend's blog. I want Catharsis! Soonoer or later, but i'm feeling ok at the moment.

Night before went over to Jason's new house in Holland Village. Liverpool draws with Everton 1-1. Buffy's Broadway Musical episode rocks!!! Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels by Guy Ritchie kicks ass! Saw the ad Yip was in for the first time earlier in the day! Infornal Affairs may be a chinese movie, but the suspensful and thrilling plot was really mindblowing. The Mafia has sent a member with a clean record to enroll in police cadet school The best cadet gets kicked out suddenly. Turns out the best cadet was sent to become a mafia undercover, and the mafia guy gains rank in the force to be part of the mafia operations special team. The story sprials in excitement as the police try to crack down on an operation the undercover agent has tipped off, but the mafia guy tips the mafia boss, and both entities try to outmaneuver each other. It dawns on both the police superintendent and the mafia boss that they each have moles in their organisations, and they begin internal searches. Meanwhile, drug transaction after another the mafia escapes capture. Both moles come close to having their identities discovered, as they both try to weed each other out. Halfway through, the police undercover doubts his goodness and questions the purpose of helping the police. Why not just lead this mafia life, he's been in it for 10yrs, crime pays, his real identity is kept by the superintendent. The Mafia guy in the police has a girlfriend, high ranking/paying job in the police, getting married soon, why serve the mafia boss when his life is so good? The show twists and turns, although the ending was mildly unsatisfying for me, i garuntee a great ride!

Jammed today, ate with ateball. Ate balls with ateball. Eight balls. Roger! Sue! George! Magarat!

I POOPOO ON YOUR JUJU

Whore You?
I'm feeling sad that i missed watching Bang in performance last night at Oosh! Club. I don't even know his band name! I thought it was on the 22nd, which is today. sigh. I promised him, but i also promised to be with my band last night for Nelson's christmas party. I wish i could've been in two places at once.

Reached Nelson's @ six, and Kristal was alone in his house!?! Checked the food he got, turkey, ham, roast beef, chips, a huge sushi platter. Ate that night with Gracie, Seekay, Awyong, Liting, mostly Nelson's batch of IMD students, but i wasn't alone, at least Kristal was there. Phoebe spoke only once, saying "No..." when we asked if she was mute. Oooh, red wine, white wine, and vodka 7up.

His mates bought Nelson zouk tix, and made him go, which was kinda 'what the?' coz Nelson had asked me to dawn at his place. Anyhow, we forced nelson to go over to kristal's after clubbing and i trotted over to hers together. omg her comics are fantastic, both the ones she's collected and created. It inspires me to strive to create such beauty of my own when i see such things, not out of rivalry but admiration, that artists can join in a realm of beauty, each with their own vision of beau. bleah i sound stupid, but whatever.

Nelson came at two plus, meanwhile Krissy and I talked from 11 for 3hrs. So many things have i missed out in her life, i wondered if i knew anything about her before. Long talks are on the list of great things to do. It's been long since i had talked with Kristal for long.

Anyway, went back to nelson's to sleep, came home and vacuum, do laundry, clean up. Big Bro not in, Second Bro asleep (at 3pM! i dawn also wake b4 noon!) Gotta plan what to cook for dinner, but the fatigue from such work brings about this odd sense of fulfilment, i guess that's what keeps my mother doing all the work, knowing it's for the people she loves. It really is tiring. I guess you could say it was a 'chore'. hehehe. (reader slaps forehead). hmm, about time to start cooking. Mummy! is far away in China!!!

=> Today, and Yesterday <=
Last night 2.30am, cycled over to trusty jinghong's place, had a beautiful plaster prata and two lovely indian teh-tariks. I love the way indians make it, notice it's difference? It just tastes better.

We just sat and chatted, then went over to his place to scan some drawings i needed scanned. Jinghong bought a cool hp copier scanner printer. I scanned this lovely Evil Eightball drawing and put it up. Kentie, do you know that you are the ONLY one who reads this pages? Reza, if u see this, put a comment! So effectively everytime i put something here, i imagine only kentie reading it haha. I fixed the pic now Kentie, it says it loads 5secs on 28.8k modem when i optimized it. hee~

Went back on two flat tyres and faulty gears at 6am. The birds were chirping and it was really really good. I can't remember the last time being out in the cool dawn with light breezes, birds, and a blue and golden streaked sky. Realizing beauty in the present comes seldom to me, coz i'm usually too caught up thinking abt other stuff. But when that moment comes when you're immersed in the bliss of Now, it's great. It gives you meaning to life, a joy deep within. Thinking abt it makes me smile even right now.

DESTINY IS AT HAND! THE WORLD OF MEN SHALL FALL!
I shoplifted today again. I stole two picks from Music Plaza at PS. They were beautiful picks. But i did buy a $7 bottle of guitar polish fluid and i'm sure the profit they made from that covered the picks. Went with Tara to Kino to get THE pen i need to ink my most recent comics. Been drawing alot more lately, mojo slowly returning.

I watched Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers tonite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jason and Mavis walked into the cinema and sat two sits away in the same row! What were the chances of that?!?! I was all excited abt how it was fate for us to meet et all, then this group came in and said the seats were theirs. The objected and showed them the tix. Then Jason sidled over and asked me what theater this was. I looked at my tic and said "3." He said 'shit' and asked us to call him after the show. they sidled out in front of the whole theater in embarrassement. hahahhahahaha. Nevertheless, if they hadn't messed up the theater numbers, we wouldn't have met. FATE! Destiny is at hand!!!

The show was great. it was 3hrs long!!! Value!!! It was just lovely, i shan't spoil it for anyone else who haven't watched it.

missed last bus, took cab. the cab had this advertisement console in the center where i could watch ads! NEW! anyway, i'd be out now cycling with Jinghong if i woke up early enuff to get my bike fixed. I'm enjoying these days the best, and the burden of the One Ring (FYP Proposal/presentation) weighs heavy. i still haven't an idea what to do for it. Enjoy the moment for now!

Xing Qing Hao (Good Mood) - Wu Yuer Tian (Mayday)

And so it came to pass...

Went to meet Zom on Sunday night to watch this "Digital Compassion". He called me up 3 hrs b4 the things and asked me, and i wasn't doing anything, so i popped on down. CheeK has this poseur after effects thing of an optemetrist's eye chart blurring in and out, and this ah beng talking in the back ground. "Me? I dOn'T NeEd EdUcaTiOn! LoOk aT mE!" He had this pretentious line spelt out in the eye chart, which blurred into 'be an idiot' in the end. Yes, CheeK, be a fucking moron.

Gawd his work is downright distateful. He's even got the CheeK to show it at substation. heh. But i guess substation's standards are dropping anyway, look at all the crap at this yr's Asian Film Symposium and especially Singapore Short Film Festival. Our films hasn't even taken off, and it's gone down the drain.

Where were the times in 20002001 with American Short Shorts and the then Asian Film Symposium with intelligent, moving and inspiring films? It's all arty farty pretentious shit now.

Phunk Studio and fFurious also screened their motion graphics pieces for "Digital Compassion". Phunk Studio should stick to print media, theirs sucked. fFurious was pretty goot, i liked it quite abit. Good visuals, good sound track, good graphics, good storytelling. Phunk Studio's one only had good graphics, but even that quickly went into the wazoo when they launched into this Moire Pattern graphic for half the entire show.

Oddly enough, Adelina Ong was sitting behind the table at the entrance welcoming visitors and looking after the brochure books. She was smiling sweetly at everyone, as if hoping for some semblance of recognition that she's and actress, director, and been in FHM showing off her tits. I thought to myslef, what's she doing here?!?! so my slef said:"ignore her, pretend u don't know who she is." Then after i took the brochure book and donated money (it was for Children's Society event), i went to Zom and said "THAT"S ADELINA ONG!!" and he said "Who?"

Muahaha, Jason's moving this week to Holland Village. Muahaha, 15min cycle!

Jammed three hours with Eightball last night, My ear drums hurt but my heart strings sing lovingly.

Just Browsing

Everytime i wanna typee my blog, my bro's using, so in the end i type when i just wake up, which is about 1pm to 2pm, when i'm still in a just woke up state of mind.

What did i want to type last night? hmmm. oh. Yeah.

How do i know for sure that i trust a person more than he/she trusts me? Nono, the issue is not about trust, it's about... opening up? letting in? How does one know if i'm letting him'her in, but they aren't letting me in. Hey they're not obligated to. But i feel like i fawn over them, trying to care, when they don't about me. I feel desperate and cheap. So it must've been naive of me to be inviting to an open heart so that i'll get hurt? Coz the reason i do it coz i wanna be in other's hearts, and i figure, y'know, instead of waiting, let them in first, maybe i can go there. But when it doesn't happen, coz they're not obligated to reciprocate, i feel like a fucking open house where window shoppers mess up the displays.

Somehow some of my friends seem abit ... reserved. I feel like they're reserved in talking to me. It's like they're talking to me like i'm an acquaintance, y'know how it goes. "Hello, hows it going? Really? that's too bad. Yeah? I'll see if i have the time. Gotta go, seeya!" Sometimes in conversation somehow their eyes dart around, like it's either someone's tailing them, or they just don't want to look you in the eye.

You see, All this stems from my psycho-problem of wanting to be loved by everyone. I've always theorized it's coz i was the third child and been to top primary secondary schools and have fucking rich relatives when we're not rich at all comparing everything. Thankfully not all my friends are like that.

I love it when they call, it's because they remember me. I feel involved when they call me out, I feel taken seriously when they talk below the skin. They make me feel like we slack and drink teh in the kopitiam of their hearts.

Got so many comics to read recently, i feel my drawing mojo coming back bit by bit.... did three more pages to my "Year Behind" comic.... need to get the right pen to ink it!

I just bought a bunch of comics at 1.50 each! COOL!

i poopoo on your juju

Met Krissy today. was gonna follow her to CLark Quay since she had to do it alone. She was on Eightball business, and i didn't want her to carry the burdens alone (oh so sweety sweety!). But it went rainy heavy heavy, so she was latey latey. Then i had no time to join her coz Tara (Helen of Troy, Dionysus, Venus, Cupid and Sarah Michelle Gellar all combined) was coming to meet me soon. I was sad i couldn't help Krissy krissy, and we couldn't look for =W=eezer shirts together. But she lent me Ghost WOrld (coolly dooly!) and i exchanged it with some comics of my own.

Tara and I watched the latest Audrey Toutou (Amelie from sweet Montmarte) movie, He Loves me, He loves me not. It was lovely! It was the loveliest lovey loveland Loving lovie movie i've seen in awhile! LOVELY! =W=!! Then Tara came over to my place and checked out Kentie's blog, my own, and took some tests ere and there!

One the new comics i bought is a comp called Sugar Buzz! The first comic is called The Lovely Land of Love! I Love it!

=w= =w= =w= =w= =w= =w=

Only in Dreams- Weezer! Lovely!
=w= =w= =w= =w= =w=
=w= =w= =w= =w= =w=
=w= =w= =w= =w= =w=

test

Tara came over and took this test!!

i am open-minded!




How indie are you? test by ridethefader

You're pretty knowledgeable about music in general. You like indie music, sure, but that's only part of it.
You'll listen to any old shit as long as it sounds good to you. You're not snobby about music at all, you
just like what you like. How boring. Curiously, this makes you popular with the opposite sex.

i am



what sexual performer are you?




you like sex. in a way you think there's more to it than merely breeding and propagating, you add romance to it. you like to have relationships, no matter how they end. you lead quite a life beyond drinking latte and hating your work. you have fun with friends, read and watch films quite a lot. you have no intention of being single for life and you find careers out of an endless string of deadend jobs.

you like to give and receive pleasure and you do it quite well. you are quite intimate with partners. sex is always satisfying.

oral sex? you definitely know how to give one.

sexual positions? you acquired some from here and there.

Haha, i got this quiz coz Bang's taken it. Boy i'm good!

So little time, so much to do. two weeks plus of hols left only, I still haven't done what i've needed. Haven't settled on an idea for Final Year Project. Haven't done all the jogging and swimming i promised myself to do (does late night cycling and eating prata count?) coz my medical and napfa's coming up. Haven't seen a specialist about my 'hyperlaxative joints' to certify i need to be in pets C. Asked my mum how to go about finding a specialist she said don't keng, if u want to get into Pioneer Design Unit go to the temple and pray. I'm pious, but not THAT pious. It's a little too "please let me strike 4d" for me.

Fun things coming up, Nelson's Christmas Barbeque, ThruTheEars 2002 were Eightball will perform. My mum's leaving end of this week i think to join my dad in china till mid january, where they'll come back together. Maybe i'll throw a party.. but there's nothing to do at my place. hmm... I gotta expand my culinary skills beyond making pasta, fried rice, pizza, white rice, fried egg, steamed egg, stir fried veggies, instand noodles and canned soup. I think i'm pretty good for a guy already, pasta making is fun, but i'll need more to survive 3 weeks my mum's gone. I don't wanna keep buying food outside.

Have yourself a merry Xmas,
I would like to open presents,
everyone from the marching band
will ask you out for a one night stand...

Have youself a happy new year,
i would like to drink lots of beer,
lalala lala lala (i forgot the lyrics)
lala lalalal la la lalala!!

And we would have to go away... away... eaY..
To another town with the rest of the other castaways... ays... eaysss.. WAYSS!!!!!

--Merry Xmas, by Eightball

MUAHAHAAAAA THE COMMENTING SCRIPT WORKS!!!!!!!!!!!! you can now comment on my stupid blog!!!

how'dya like my lousy gif?? i made it before going jamming today... erm yesterday... erm earlier..

So shiok to be playing the new Eightball songs. The rest don't know how much i love them. I actually love them more than loving being in a band. and boy do i love being in a band. so imagine how much i love them. i love them more than being in a band!

Went with Tara to meet Zom at Cineleisure. He got Tara a nice cloth bag. I GOT A MYANMAR SHIRT!!!! It's ultra cool(ing)! it was hand woven fabric! Zom was telling me about how they make the linen looking fabric out of a hand loom.... I LOVE IT! Zom is the best. I'm glad he's back. Hes nice. Yaha! Oh and he got me a pack of Marlboro Reds from Myanmar, it's got some thai printed on it, the health warning thing. My bro said it was thai, coz he can recognize it. I thought it was in Myanmar.

I remembered what Kristal said earlier after jamming. She said about how she was dismayed to know one of her friends had been reading her blog for quite awhile now, and just told her recently. It was supposed to be her 'secret' blog. I told her i had a blog too, but i doubt she'd be interested. I wouldn't want to blog keeping in mind my friends will read it anyway, kinda defeats the purpose (but then again, it's the purpose isn't it?). ANyway, i got curious as to where her blog was, so i just typed in her favourite nick, and poof, it appeared.

So i read the irst page, admired her nice colors on the page, then remembered what she said. I'd make her dismayed if she found out i'd read it and not told her. or was i not supposed to read it anyway? hmm... so what i'm gonna do now is go on MSN and see if she's online. Chances are she is. Tell her the url of my blog, let her read this. Promise her that i'll never visit her blog again if she'd prefer that, keep it a secret, or if she's ok with it maybe add her in my links to bloggers? I don't know, maybe she can use my nice new cool commenting script. Let Operation Three Clawed Three Eyed Eagle begin!

Mystery Men - May the Fork with with us!

Zom is back... meeting him today after jamming. Nice to have him back on his foreign ground....

The Deep Dark Underbelly of Stadium Security

For the Red Hot Chilli Peppers concert on Sunday, i was posted to pen B, the $176 standing space, which meant I WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE STAGE!!!!!

Gosh i can't catch the words that race to catch the feelings in my head. I've never forget the night...

i am a scenester!




How indie are you? test by ridethefader

You are so indie it hurts. You hang out with the coolest people in your city. It doesn't even bother
you that none of them know your name. You know lots of bands personally, you know a couple of
guys from We Hate The Mainstream Records, and you blag your way into getting almost
everything for free. That fanzine you write gives you extra kudos. You probably don't
even care that non-scenesters think you're a pretentious fuck.



Took this test and was kinda shocked at the result. Gosh i need to rethink i i've behaved. I hate pretentious fucks. I don't know whether to take this seriously or not!

.......................

Ugh.... i haven't fallen sick in a long long time. almost forgot what what it felt like. The blasting hot sun and sudden rains these days are okay, i'm strong, but added to my 5-6am bedtimes, irregular meals, chocolate gorging and chimney impersonations, i fell ill. i hope i get better before the red hot chilli peppers concert. Woohoo!

today is.... um yeah Saturday.

Thursday: Went with Tara to Great World City Popular Imax Theater and watched Santa VS Snowman 3D. We got to wear some polarized sensor goggles.... wow i'm never watched a 3d show b4... damn cool. half the time it felt like you could reach out and touch the things. when they fell towards you, you had this reflex to dodge coz it was so like really coming towards you. (as illness dumbed my grammar??). There was this part where Santa talks to the audience, looking for our names in the naughty list. he says wow we've all been good kids, but he has a quota to keep, so he says whoever he points his finger at shall get a lump of coal in thier stocking. Santa closes his eyes, waves his finger abit, and his hand pops out the screen ion 3d and POINTS DIRECTLY AT ME! shocked, i ask Tara if he pointed at her too, she said yes! i looked around in the cinema and the kids were reacting as if they were pointed at too! COOL. the goggles must have some way of making every person in the cinema get pointed at atr that scene... amazing....

Tara and i rushe dover to my place, watched Amazing Race the singapore one, ate chocolate, went down to prinsep to meet nelson. We had abit of shi sha, i sent tara off, i joined nelson for supper and went to dawn at his place. We tried finish writing Nightmares, Haunt Yours Days, I Remember and Mosquito... maybe can jam them by sunday.

Friday: Woke up with full blown flu (no pun intended).At BK for bfast with nelson, recorded Haunt Your Days, arranged Superzero, came home, lay in bed and rested.

Esplanade BayBeats are happening today. I'm interested to go, but i think i should rest and get better before Sunday for the red hot concert. I feel bad for turning Kentie down to go, but i'm sure she'll understand. time to enjoy reading the motion graphics books i borrowed from the library!

updated- last entry about writing diaries
listening to- workers joking and shouting to one another as they painnt the walls outside my window in an external elavator, the kind window cleaners use on skyscrapers.

one reason to be happy: I'm NOT working at Peach anymore!

two nights back i shoplifted at Borders. As far as i can remember, i've never ever shoplifted. Not even those cute little erasers when i was a kid. I pilfered a $20.50 sketchbook after swinging it through the detectors to see if it triggered. I'm so happy with my new sketchbook. i think i'm turning evil.

I used to keep a diary when i was younger. Starting from Pri5, i last wrote in year 1 poly i think. It seems when one enjoys themselves, they hardly write, or write much. When one is in the throes of despair, the pages fill with tear stained scratchings. Looking through my diaries, it seemed as if all i had was a lifetime of sorrow, yet i know for sure this wasn't so, there was joy here and there, but it wasn't to be found in the diaries.

I wrote alot when i was sad coz writing more than speaking clears your system better. Telling someone involves the complicated dynamics of trust, secrecy, pride etc. Writing in a diary is telling yourself, thus such problems cease to exist. Also, both speaking and writing being forms of communication, writing allows you to back track and read what you wrote, where as speaking doesn't permit that. Rereading my problems and how i've phrased them gave me much more new perspectives and sometimes diminishes how bad a situation seemed at the time. it's really helped.

In comparison, I rarely wrote when i was happy, simply because, i was just too busy enjoying myself. Just as most emotions are, the joy fleetingly fleets, and i'm left with fading recollections of it, while my diary refreshes the sorrowful memories. Sometimes rereading sad entries make me feel bad too. but i found that i had little good ones written down to fall back on.

At Poly, i kinda... grew. I figured if i could do it the other way around, wouldn't i be a much happier person? I'm still mired with my own problems, but recording the good times with more vivid detail and extent than i normally allocate to sad times, somehow has made my life look better on paper. It's still the same, but more on the better half. I smile when i read them, remembering such fun, such great events. It's made me feel good to reminisce, rather than bad. I like feeling good, don't you?

Wow... I just came back from cycling from 12.30am till just now. went with my childhood friend who moved to clementi too after being in hillview together. We cycled to jurong east, bukit batok, hillview, bukit timah, and then backt o clementi... i think we must have clocked 20km! so shiok... i got so emo when we went back to hillview... i saw the new family living in my old house, that i lived in for 16yrs since i was born... and he his old home, and us all the old placeswe've played together since when we knew each other from pri one in the school bus....

saturday night: Kentie dead ass piss drunk. many stories. went to veron's place, me being the official 'carrier of kentie around since she cant walk and holder of her puke bags' since no other guys around.

sunday morning: Woke up 2pm, went out to eat, vegetated watching MTV, saw liverpool vs man u match (man u 2, liverpool 1), ordered pizza hut, ate, missed last train home, took $20 cab ride home... and went cycling...

these past two days and nights have been the best ones i've had in a long time... lovely.