It's been awhile.
Last post was on my birthday. August is ending and so much has happened. 3 months have passed.

June
- ended taiwan trip, in retrospect it was very fun, tough and refreshing. nothing like a new city, so much to discover.

July
- for army, mostly prep for brunei trip: survival training, survival and sleep deprivation training, failed my Safti Endurance Obstacle Course consistantly (it's a requirement to commision btw), navigation and even more advanced infantry training
- tried out a new drummer for our ex-Last Transmission band, nothing's fixed so we're still unanchored.
-missed Tara even more, looking forward to August when she'll be back for a week

August
-22 days in Brunei, hell on Earth (no offense to Bruneians). Acheived the coveted Jungle Confidence Badge, realized it was a good to have, not a need to have, but amazed at the exceeding amount of punishment I have endured
-reunited with the woman of my dreams, who holds my heart, who i love so dearly, for two days before i have to book in after the trip.

Well, that was a quick recap. I'm feeling rather upset now. I got appointed Cadet Platoon Sergeant this week, on the last 5 week leg of OCS where everyone's selfishness is revealing true colours. Commanding my platoon has been very stressful with many tasks needing to be done, fellow brothers overruling their cadet commanders out of self centeredness, friendships strengthening and friendships breaking, a rift is starting, those on my side and theirs. I hate it.

The commissioning ball committee is in last gear with the pedal pushed to the floor. With the parade coming soon on Oct 2nd, the ball on Oct 23rd, there is precious little time to get things done. As the secretary, on top of meeting minutes, agendas etc, i help each department liaise with each other as well as with the other wing commissioning with us. This weekend I have got to type out a difficult letter: an invitation to each senior instructor (Major and Ltc Colonels) with a tactful request that they pay $250 if they want to attend our ball. HOW!?! They have to go, but one of them big fucks is an ungracious dick who insists he won't attend unless it's free for him, i wanna kick his fat ass and say he can fuck off and get lost from our ball, but i cannot not send him an invite out of politeness, but still tell him you can't come if you don't pay.

And as the only designer on the committee, the fellow in charge of producing the course yearbook, cadet invitation tickets, video presentation on the event, showed us his appalling design for the items. 5 weeks before we need the things done, of which 3 weeks must be put aside for production, which means only 2 weeks left to do a crazy 100page book, the cover alone can make my stomach turn. Unable to bear with the shame 30 years later to look back at what i can remember my training in my youth by in an ugly distastefully designed yearbook, I highlighted a code red on the design status. The well meaning hard-working IT fellow was ill equipped with the skills of aesthetics, but was conscientious and diligent. The committee had noone else but me to put in to take over the design (in this fatal stage of two weeks to save a sinking ship), while he does the compilation and CD-rom file management. Suddenly I have a whole corporate identity package project on my hands, from logos to typefaces to layouts to create, but a grim determination to make the annals of my youth an object of pride. I got till tomorrow to finish everything, and i'm still gathering design elements.

Tomorrow I'll be on standby status. Withing a phonecall, i must turn up in camp in 2 hrs. It's stupid. Our wing commander wants to test our 'operational readiness'. We're trainees, we're not supposed to be operationally ready yet, even so, ops ready personnel are given notice to lay aside certain periods for recall. We got no instruction, we know coz the clerk leaked it out. Sunday afternoon about 2pm or so we'll be called back, even dinner has been indented. Sunday night 8pm Tara's flying back to Oz, today's Adam's(her brother) wedding so i can't meet her. The last chance to meet before she's gone again is going to be destroyed by army.

This coming week is the week of fire and brimstone. Monday to Friday continuous missions, outfield and combat rations all the way. Starting with coastal Navigation, then beach landing, then a long march, a river crossing operation, movement to objective, a company attack, movement to another objective, platoon level defence, attack, defence, and attack again, this attack and def thing goes on three days, with digging of trenches through the night and sleeping in shifts. Five days of pain. Thats why sunday may activate, it's the last major crucial exercise i'll have in OCS.

That's why i'm upset. Many things that need to be done urgently, no time to do. Friends is giving stress against command. weekend burnt. ghastly crazy tough exercise coming up. kept away from my love.

I'm prevented from breaking down now because of three things i've done today. Went to Atan's gig and album launch. He really appreciated me supporting him and i found my name thanked in the cd sleeve! I'm very glad about this. Two other closer platoon mates that accompanied me to the gig had dinner with me afterwards and one of them a very good friend and Ex cadet platoon sergeant talked to me about how i could do things and how bastard some people were when he was in command and how to overcome my problems, and he gave me support and encouraged me. Third, i'm meeting good ol Winson later, his presence always soothes me, we gonna have supper, catch up, view his lovely course yearbook for help for my dire situation.

and i read a few friend's blogs before typing, and i always love reading Bang's blog, and knowing what's happening in my other friend's lives like kentie and antoinette makes me feel less upset. they provide me some solace unknowingly.

good luck to me, i'm off to meet Winson.
Good luck to me.