Wednesday, January 28, 2004

Things are moving. I've yet to get there but i'm happy i'm on my way.

Bought a digital camera. Shooting like a GPMG gunner.

Drawing furiously, working on Kickstart again finally, it's gonna be a 48 page comic (hopefully). Gotta draw better faces though, hmm....

Bought Brushes and A3 paper. Started painting lines for sketches to work it up, i will paint a panel every bookout for Kickstart.

In the webdesign team for my wing, clean forgotten my dreamweaver but i'm learning it again. Designing T-shirt for my wing.

Soon... Soon the world will be mine!!!




Booked out for half day today, only need to go back at ten tonight (YAYY!!). Commissionaing parade today, first in the year so the President is coming. Dignitaries everywhere, so they decided to get rid of us cadets to make sure nothing looks bad in OCS.

Yesterday was thier final rehearsal parade. I was sent down there to do some sai kang and it became my very wonderful fortune to actually watch half the parade. I'd never get a chance to see it from the stands in my time here you see. It was beautiful. The SAF band, the impeccable drill work, and the looks on the faces of the officers to be. Now i don't like NS, but I was so moved watching the preoceedings. My eyes welled up with tears when they played the National Anthem and the OCS song (YOU WUSS!!!). Gosh it was great....

Thursday, January 22, 2004

I'm not alot of things I think i am. I'm a fake.

I think i'm a motion graphics designer, but i'm not. I'm really poor with motion, even though i'm super interested in the manipulation of time and speed and movement. Interest isn't enough, i haven't the practice to achieve a respectable level of adaquecy. I'm inadequate.

I think i'm a graphic designer, but i'm not. My portfolio doesn't not display much graphic finesse, even if i can talk it. I can talk because because i'm well learned about graphics and am good with recognition, analytical break downs, perceptive interpretation. It comes with long study. Yet no work and all talk, makes sidney a fraud.

I think i know how to work with interactive media, but i don't. I'm in my wing's web design team, but i really don't know shit abt web design. There isn't a form of animation i understand. Filmmaking, well let's just say I could do way better. Storytelling be it literal, verbal, visual, aural - i feel like a deaf mute who doesn't know sign language.

I think i'm an illustrator, but anyone who knows their brush knows i'm a half wit. I doodle extensively, but that's all i do. I cannot illustrate. I haven't a single piece of work illustrated, with the time effort and materials put in, a creation of illustration. I'll never rise above doodling and sketches without the devotion i need. I'm devoted, but i haven't the devotion. A devotee.

you learn to do. I learn but i can't do. i'm sure it can be done even if i'm in the army, i must put in more. commit, invest, commit. out of the rut!



I don't tell people how i feel about re-finding my muse so that they can comfort me or give me advice or their opinions. They assume things about me that annoys me out of my skin, it shows when they feel they have to tell me what they think. I do not disrespect their opinions, but please, i don't want to hear them. It pisses me off when i feel it's wrong of i'm misunderstood. Don't tell me what i should do, I know what to do. I just need to do them, I just bitch because it's cathartic.



I'm stepping up on my drawing. I'm concentrating on conceptualization on side, and proper illustrations on another. Draw your strength, withdraw your shackles, open your drawers and rise above a drawer. whats the fuck am i talking about, haha another failed attempt at lingual agility. Happy CNY!!!


Sunburn - Muse
Cicatriz Esp - The Mars Volta

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

it's bugging me
calling me
and twisting me around

yeah I'm endlessly
caving in
and turning inside out

because I want it now
I want it now
give me your heart and your soul
and I'm breaking out
I'm breaking out
that's when she'll lose control

yeah it's hurting me
morphing me
and forcing me to strive

to be endlessly
caving in
and dreaming of my love

because I want it now
I want it now
give me your heart and your soul
I'm not breaking down
I'm breaking out
that's when she'll lose control

and I want you now
I want you now
I feel my heart implode
and I'm breaking out
escaping now
feeling my faith grow old


Hysteria, Muse
it's hurts all over from the circuit training.

I'm doomed to be an observer! I'm an anachronism! I'm an anachronism!