10 days to POP

Longest weekend i've ever had so far. I never used to celebrate Deepavali and Hari raya and Xmas all that... but the army has made me a convert. SELAMAT HARI RAYA!

My design for my platoon signboard was put up early last week. Midweek, the OC walks past, and asks my PC who did it. I was watching in horror 5 metres away at the foot of the staircase i sweep every morning, in senan-diri position waiting for inspection from my sargeant. My PC goes "Oh its... HIM!" He points an accusatory finger at me grinning in sadistic pleasure.

"Ah so it's YOU Sidney... come over here..." LTA Azhari commands. I whimper over and grovel at his feet. "You did this didn't you Sidney?" he intones. I admitted to the act, punctuating the end of every sentence with a 'SIR!'. "That's the Orion costellation isn't it, Sidney?" He rubs his thick axis-powers-tribute moustache. In a suitable deustchland fashion, i reply, "Ya... SIR!".

"I like it... Sssidney..." My OC hisses, and I wonder in a morbidly amusing way how i'd die today. "I like it very much... Why don't you do the same for all the platoons in the company... Sssidney?"

Was my weekend going to spent rushing design work? Awaiting decomposition everytime my computer takes the 20mins it needs to save the A2 sized work? Forced to pay a visit ti Khatib to borrow a working CD burner to transfer the files to my OC? "Yes SIR..." I replied.

And so for the last three days I spent abt 4hrs each, after midnight, working on this. I refused to not go out and enjoy myself, and i paid the price with sleep, good healthy eyes, clear un-bleary minded thinking and joints/muscles that don't ache from sitting in a chair too long. The price is paid, and it's all done now. I 'm glad.

At least, i can say to myself, i'm keeping my designer alive, here and there. My section mate told me something me read in a nagazine awhile back. I think of it often, and it helps ease how shitty i feel sometime.

He said: Tough Times Don't Last, but a Tough Man Does.

yeah 'tough man' does sound a little gay, but overlooking that little phrase, you get my wind yah?


Thank you Kristal for your lovely goddessly executed illustration for me!

20 days to passing out parade
I'm happy because BMT would be over and i'd get a one week block leave. I'm sad because it'll mean the end of the best or you might say least fucked up time in my Army life.

December 13, I'll be performing with Last Transmission at Stasis 6 event at i think substation. My book out time is too short, i don't have enough time to master the songs on top of spending much appreciated time with Tara, designing for my platoon commander for no rewards even if its the last thing that keeps my designer alive, this weekend i spent half the time developing 890 photos for my platoon, 3 rolls of film i took during field camp for 50 people.

One of my commanders said this the other day: Accept and Adapt. Sounds good doesn't it? Just a more refined way to say "Lan Lan suck thumb bang balls".

I've been selected for an MPMSI interview. None of my lieutenants can tell me what the fuck it is. They asked me what i specialised in and i said design and they guessed the interview might be for a design vocation. I hope so. It's tommorrow.

Checked out the Farmhaus exhibits at the Esplanade Tunnel last night. I'm tremendously proud of Winson, Yixiang, Celeste, Tong and Zom for their beautiful works displayed for the public to see. For Winson and Tong, they were struggling to complete make final prints in A0 for the exhibition during their BMT; puts me to shame for not only achieving nothing as well as complaining that my inner artist and designer is dying in BMT. I resolve to live on and prosper.

Tara is what pulls me through the week. When it seems it couldn't get any worse, the thought of her gives me the perseverence to endure the shit through. Without her, i'd be a husk of a man. Perhaps this dependance is unhealthy, but it's often said during training what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and she does indeed make me stronger. I love you Tara.

Gemini indeed. Half of me actually wants to excel in the army, strive of Officer Cadet School, put in my best, encourage and motivate others while attaining a high level of capability. The other half of me loathes the futility of NS in my life other than to take two years away from my family, friends, studies, career. Hating the stupid skills and techniques they teach because they have no social and professional application in the outside world. Even when they say leadership training is much appreciated in the public sector, i know it's a lie because army leadership is martial and hieriarchal, barely related to professional leadership which is highly political and inter-personal.

Have i written anything with the kind of insight and wit i so desire to obtain and convey? I don't think so. I want such traits because i admire them. I think i've become mentally dull and stupid serving in the army. I'm scared to become the dumbass morons i so despise by the end of the 2 and a half years. Again half of me does not despise them, instead pity or sometimes envy them. Yet i'm not so eager to become a sheep, a zombie, a yesman, a dumbass moron.

Sigh. I'm being robbed of who i am.

I just read Bang's journal. I love his writing. Though it may largely be unhappy, the undeniable sharpness of wit makes reading a very engaging, amusing experiance. The dry wit makes a sort of... how would one put it? I don't know, i feel alive reading things that show so much observation, insight and reflections by the author.

I'd like to write like that. Write like the wayt i admire. Like Douglas Adams, like Ong Xibin. I guess i'm too simple minded to produce it myself, but i sure know good stuff when i see it.

Somehow i found this quote i read the other day quite edifying. "Intelligence is a myth; Competence is real." Well, i still want to be smart, but i'll remember to do something about it.




FIELD CAMP SUCKED. Army stories, come hear from me if you see me ;)