I'm not alot of things I think i am. I'm a fake.

I think i'm a motion graphics designer, but i'm not. I'm really poor with motion, even though i'm super interested in the manipulation of time and speed and movement. Interest isn't enough, i haven't the practice to achieve a respectable level of adaquecy. I'm inadequate.

I think i'm a graphic designer, but i'm not. My portfolio doesn't not display much graphic finesse, even if i can talk it. I can talk because because i'm well learned about graphics and am good with recognition, analytical break downs, perceptive interpretation. It comes with long study. Yet no work and all talk, makes sidney a fraud.

I think i know how to work with interactive media, but i don't. I'm in my wing's web design team, but i really don't know shit abt web design. There isn't a form of animation i understand. Filmmaking, well let's just say I could do way better. Storytelling be it literal, verbal, visual, aural - i feel like a deaf mute who doesn't know sign language.

I think i'm an illustrator, but anyone who knows their brush knows i'm a half wit. I doodle extensively, but that's all i do. I cannot illustrate. I haven't a single piece of work illustrated, with the time effort and materials put in, a creation of illustration. I'll never rise above doodling and sketches without the devotion i need. I'm devoted, but i haven't the devotion. A devotee.

you learn to do. I learn but i can't do. i'm sure it can be done even if i'm in the army, i must put in more. commit, invest, commit. out of the rut!



I don't tell people how i feel about re-finding my muse so that they can comfort me or give me advice or their opinions. They assume things about me that annoys me out of my skin, it shows when they feel they have to tell me what they think. I do not disrespect their opinions, but please, i don't want to hear them. It pisses me off when i feel it's wrong of i'm misunderstood. Don't tell me what i should do, I know what to do. I just need to do them, I just bitch because it's cathartic.



I'm stepping up on my drawing. I'm concentrating on conceptualization on side, and proper illustrations on another. Draw your strength, withdraw your shackles, open your drawers and rise above a drawer. whats the fuck am i talking about, haha another failed attempt at lingual agility. Happy CNY!!!


Sunburn - Muse
Cicatriz Esp - The Mars Volta