Haven't written in awhile.

Jammed till i got blisters today. It was good. Thank you all. I am grateful.

I sat outside the jam room afraid. I could hear john and tjin speaking, punctuated by their instruments, stopping and re-explaining the parts. I sat there heart beating audibly. I suspect it was simply beating strongly, and the bloodflow was swelling in the arteries of my head rythmicly and making it seem like a thump sound. It probably wasn't audible.

I sweat cold. I had a lump in my throat. My chest was quaking, my stomach was clenched and stirring. My palms was clammy and shaking. I don't want to analyse why i was scared, I'm just recognizing that i was.

I went in, and it was okay. Thanks everyone.



A part of me has died. I asked Tara if she still loved me as a lover. She said no. Her reason was unmerciful truth. Well i've changed, and i will change more, but i don't know about her opinion. It's best not to hope. I must live on stronger, for myself.



you were the whorls of my heart
you were the walls of my heart
the whorls, and walls, and wars and what was.