I'd better type this down b4 i start else i forget:
1.Meander about peach but ultimately ending up bitching abt it and then consoling yourself.
2.Start with 'On a different note' and explain your Smokey Mindshapes Theory
3.Lead to a throw away joke about a friend of mine that i treasure and hold close in my heart, although he's probably too caught up in his own self despair.

Peach Blossom Media Pte Ltd
Strangely, going to sleep last night hoping i never woke up to go to work, today wasn't that bad when i got there. I didn't even have to Xercize my masterful self hypnosis skills. I was positive, enthusiastic, efficiant, on fire. hey, i thought to myself, it's not so bad. Maybe it was one of kentie's last words to me last night ("relak lah, experiance this next you'll look back and talk abt it"). Maybe it was sleeping at 3am and waking at 7 then working 12 hrs straight.

By lunchtime i realized it was wednesday and i had 2 more days to go. the remains of the day went downhill rather rapidly.

Anyway, here's the main reason: Moroniacalismisisticismology. They put me under this full time illustrator, who is under an Episode Director, who in the the case of illustration of props/bgs for the animation, ascertains the 'function' of the work, then passes it to the Moron art DIErector Andy Lam who judges it for art direction consistency with the animation series as a whole. this causes 2 hours to get 10 drawings approved. if it passes 1st stage, it moves on, usually failing at the third under Moron's amazing insights:

"hmm... too much perspective... nono, now it's too flat... cuter please... no not that cute... why don't you restart from scratch and see what you come up with? then i'll fucking not tell you where that need changing and tell you to restart again, since i don't know how to speak as well as draw beyond the like of a 6mth old."

Sorry? um... yea... yea... it is? oh it's time to move on to my consoling myself? Who says i'll go on forever?!? why that Moron is... har? oh. ok. yea i guess.

So i've got two days more. i pushed off the storyboarding sweatshop assembly line vacancy for next week, maybe Lynn won't find it as bad. sat-kentie's bday. next week-resurrect my mind.

Smoky Mind ShapesTheory
On a different note, if you're still reading after all this crap (i know i am), here's my Smoky Mind Shapes Theory.

I've thought about thoughts alot. and feelings too. as in those mental phenomenan in themselves. i think they are smoke. they drift in your mind, shapeless, without form and substance. you can't grab it, wield it, keep it from drifting around.

words, written or spoken, have an effect on this smoke. it sort of solidifies them. the shape they form after solidification rarely becomes the actual shape they were, but more or less. Solidified, these ex-Smoke gain form and substance, hence texture, strength and fortitude.

eg: the smoke is drifting around signifying that you since you get this gut feeling that feezes you up on stage, you just might have a fear of being onstage.

then if you say "hmm, i think i have stagefright", the Smoke is given form, substance. If you say it again, it gains more. then fear suddenly exists, becomes something you can grab, wield, harmful.

when left as smoke, it hangs around, but being smoke, dissipates. it is alot harder to get rid of a solid object than Smoke.

This theory has taught me the power of words. it can boost my vigor if i repeat 'i have the strength', and vice versa. it also solidifies your hates, feeding them. it amplifies fears.

so i shouldn't have kept talking about how i hate Peach (oops i did it again), it could've just drifted away. killed itself like a lemming on a cliff. i need to remind myself to empower Smoke i want to empower.

I need to only empower Smoke i want to empower.


Throwaway joke about a friend of mine

What do you call Xibin's total holistic philosophy of Life, The Universe and Everything?

The Big Bang Theory.