aaAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArgh
i dont want to go to peach blossom anymore!!!!!!!!!! i still got a week more to go~!!!!! i hate it there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate ANDY, the moron art dierector....... i hate the things i have to draw.........
i was so happy when they called me up to do freelance illustration. i thought to myself, wow this is the first time in my life i've been hired to do something that they know i'm good at, talented for and experienced in. i seriously felt... wonderful. used appropriately. appreciated. valued. needed.
then when i was there taking all their shit i remembered why they called me. because they are stingy fucks who are hiring me only because they can get away with paying $200bucks a week instead of a $900 bucks a week pro designer/illustrator. i'll let them get away. as well as being moronic towards me. like really moronic. i tell myself to appreciate what i got, but gosh i hate working for them, it's hard to appreciate what u hate.
sigh. i'm unhappy abt:
1.working at peach.
2.i haven't traveled in a long time. 4yrs i think. i need to go somewhere, take a trip. i'm suffocating here. i need to clear the chokes in my mind.
3.not doing anything that makes me feel creative and alive this week. last week Eightball jammed intensively, and performed at auditions etc. although we didn't get in the last one, i felt so good. m6 hours waiting at a venue for 10minutes on stage. it was bliss that 10mins. scary and exciting, embarassed yet gloryfied, ... so much to say. the stage gives me epiphany.
4. that wanzhen problem, since it resurfaced. sigh.
5.my 'closest' friend drifting away because of his girlfriend. and himself partly. i dunno.
6.fucking hair shit. (gosh i'm so foulmouthed). i try to convince myself it looks ok, but i hate it deep inside. i'm scared ppl will get irritated at me if i bitch abt it, so i shaddup. no point to bitch anyway. tell myself it's ok.
7.feeling empty, unhappy, afraid, pressured, worried, claustrophobic, wronged, misperceived, unsympathasized, unconnected. worst of all unconnected. to everything and everyone.
i dont want to go to peach blossom anymore!!!!!!!!!! i still got a week more to go~!!!!! i hate it there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate ANDY, the moron art dierector....... i hate the things i have to draw.........
i was so happy when they called me up to do freelance illustration. i thought to myself, wow this is the first time in my life i've been hired to do something that they know i'm good at, talented for and experienced in. i seriously felt... wonderful. used appropriately. appreciated. valued. needed.
then when i was there taking all their shit i remembered why they called me. because they are stingy fucks who are hiring me only because they can get away with paying $200bucks a week instead of a $900 bucks a week pro designer/illustrator. i'll let them get away. as well as being moronic towards me. like really moronic. i tell myself to appreciate what i got, but gosh i hate working for them, it's hard to appreciate what u hate.
sigh. i'm unhappy abt:
1.working at peach.
2.i haven't traveled in a long time. 4yrs i think. i need to go somewhere, take a trip. i'm suffocating here. i need to clear the chokes in my mind.
3.not doing anything that makes me feel creative and alive this week. last week Eightball jammed intensively, and performed at auditions etc. although we didn't get in the last one, i felt so good. m6 hours waiting at a venue for 10minutes on stage. it was bliss that 10mins. scary and exciting, embarassed yet gloryfied, ... so much to say. the stage gives me epiphany.
4. that wanzhen problem, since it resurfaced. sigh.
5.my 'closest' friend drifting away because of his girlfriend. and himself partly. i dunno.
6.fucking hair shit. (gosh i'm so foulmouthed). i try to convince myself it looks ok, but i hate it deep inside. i'm scared ppl will get irritated at me if i bitch abt it, so i shaddup. no point to bitch anyway. tell myself it's ok.
7.feeling empty, unhappy, afraid, pressured, worried, claustrophobic, wronged, misperceived, unsympathasized, unconnected. worst of all unconnected. to everything and everyone.
Sid found concrete manifestation for abstract/complicated/foolish/affected/inebrieted musings at 5:26 AM
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