Can.t sleep tonight.

Did alot of interesting things lately, and had alot of fun. Of course when you're having fun time flies, when you're home you're so sated and spent you don't log on to record them. And so the illusion would seem no fun was had, for it had been so fleeting. Only when by yourself, when there is worry and sadness, would you write them all down... easily writing history to be filled with nothing but despair.

But this isn't one of those posts right now. I can't sleep, that's all. Too many noteworthy events have taken place for me to record them now. Watched Phua Chu Kang Musical, long story. Completed recording the band album. Met with many friends. It's the friends i wanna talk about.

Recently I've been meeting up with my friends. Freinds i don't see often. Friends once close, inseperable. But time and circumstance drew us apart, just as now i will be drawn apart from singapore.

I'm so glad a few of them are even calling me up to meet. I'm not sad they call me up only when they find out i'm about to go. Maybe it jolt them into rushing to be with me one last time. I haven't been that diligent a friend either to be fair, but i've tried contacting them more than once before, no reaction. I'm glad i want to be seen by them now.

But when I see them now: Winson, Ben, Lawrence, Bang, Jinghong, Kristal, Zom, even my more often met friends like John, Ina, Jason... there's always a fatalistic undertone. there's a count down. an expiry date.

And they look to me with mention of that, i smile and try to shake away their sadness. It's a thinly veiled attempt for me. I will always be happy in their company. If i feel sad, their company will lift me up. I make myself happier because i'm with them. They motivate me to feel better.

Well, john and ina, you two might disagree after i left halfway through that night... don't worry, i was just tired, really. you two give me alot of joy. Meeting kentie, veron and phoebe this wed. Even though this meeting is really for veron and not for me, i'm glad to see them nonetheless. I've missed them for 2 years since we graduated.

Truth is, although it might not be shown overtly to your face, I am deeply saddened by our parting. I'm going to a strange new place, exciting but altogether so, so intimidating. And i will not have anyone to fall back on, no family, and none of you. no, Tara will not be there for me, I have little faith in her enthusiasm for my well-being anymore, which makes me sad because she doesn't know how much i've worried for her.

And so, I am scared. I'm gushing to see each of you again and again when you ask and when i can. Just to linger at the fingertips of a parting hand shake... just to dwell in the warmth of a parting embrace.